I’m Scared

I wanna preface this post by saying that maybe my feelings are dumb, maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and I’ll be a REMF behind the lines who won’t see anything, hell maybe we won’t even go to war. But I really would like perspectives and wisdom from those that came before me. I went into a recruiting office to talk about going into OCS about a week before shit popped off in the Middle East. I’m not in a rush to join, I still have many pounds to lose, but a part of me is worried. It’s not the actual going to war I’m worried about, I know my duty and I’ll go where Uncle Sam sends me. I’m just worried about all the people around me. I’m kinda reminded of Iraq, how at times the fighting was brutal, how people got caught in the crossfire, how people needed help but there was nothing we could do. I’m worried about what I’ll have to do, who I’ll have to send into the fray, whose lives I’ll have to change forever. Maybe I’m being too dramatic but after reading books like All Quiet on the Western Front and watching shows like Generation Kill, I can’t help but feel an incredible sadness about the realities of war. I don’t want to back down, I want to join, I want to serve, but I really need some reassurance from y’all. If any of y’all have some words of comfort, encouragement, or you even just wanna wallow in the existential dread with me, please do. I’d really appreciate that right now.