Why am I the one to suffer while he’s out there dating/texting other people right after we broke up?

I never hurt him, and now he doesn’t care, he’s out there doing what he wanted to do throughout our situationship. We weren’t officials because he said he “needed more time before confirming a relationship”, but that was not true. I caught him using Grindr several times. He had no social life yet still he’d add lots of guys to his Instagram. I knew exactly what was going on, but I loved him so much I just wanted to keep on trying.

He left me via text, he didn’t even care about talking in person. How can people be so insensitive right after cutting you off?? It’s like he wanted to get rid of me, as if I was the one to hurt him, and now he’s out there all nice, dating other guys while I’ve been trapped in a deep depression for a whole month. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, I’m a guy weighting 105 lbs when I should be +135 lbs. The things that made me happy now make me uncomfortable.

I feel not enough, I did my best to get him to like me, I wanted to help him heal his fears, to create something of our own yet he didn’t care. And the same has happened on every single one of my past relationships. Maybe I’m the problem. I don’t wanna live no more if I’m bound to live a lonely life, all heartbroken, despising the idea of love… I feel like there’s no way out, I’m doomed.