Afterthoughts on completing sober October. I am so proud of myself.

I (28 F) have been binge drinking every weekend since I was 15. Partied a lot in high school, college, and currently. Not only binge drinking on the weekends but also during the week, multiple glasses of wine almost every night, drinking more days than not, and on days not drinking I was hungover. Basically never felt sober and refreshed except for the occasional days here and there where I would then look forward to drinking.

I decided to do sober October after waking up from multiple blackouts in September which was a huge party month for me cause I got married, went on a all inclusive honeymoon, and had multiple other weddings/events I attended. I woke up October 1st, couldn’t get out of bed or stop throwing up, and something clicked in me and I said I wasn’t going to drink for a while. I didn’t even know sober October was a thing until I started researching tips for being sober for a month coincidentally on Oct 1st.

The first week was hard, I was detoxing, tired, run down, gut/bathroom issues, and sweating like a pig at night. After the first week, I really noticed the changes! My energy was better, motivation was high, mood was happy, anxiety lowering, and gut issues although still resolving became a lot better!

I never thought I could go out socially without drinking as I never have tried or wanted to but I went to bars, sporting events, dinners, game nights, and even a bachelorette party sober! Things I never thought I could do without a drink.

I noticed I eventually stopped counting down the days until I could drink again and instead of being excited to drink again I now feel at peace but also nervous. My goal in all of this was to learn to have fun and feel like myself without alcohol so I could then go forward to not drink as much. Be able to have a drink or two at a happy hour and drive home, go to a party and not get get wasted, go out like a normal person and not ruin the following day by laying in bed or being sick.

I’m nervous to drink again and I will cause I do miss it. I do feel more fun, goofy, silly, and energized in the moment while drinking. I miss having wine while getting ready before and event and having a cocktail with my new husband on a date night. I talk a lot more with alcohol as it gives me social confidence. Although, I have gained a new sense of confidence I’m greatful for!

I have a Halloween party this weekend and plan to bring only enough wine to have a little extra fun but not go overboard. I don’t know what to expect since I’m sure my tolerance will be shot. As a 120lb female, my usual night consisted of around 10-15 shots (straight up or in mixed drinks) or 2 bottles of wine. I was not a lightweight. The worst part is I believe I even have an alcohol intolerance as I get a red flushed face when I drink and I get insane and I mean INSANE hangovers. I was proud of myself if I didn’t puke basically after a night of drinking. So I’m hoping this month off resets my body to a more normal tolerance.

Some of you may just think “yikes your an alcoholic and should probably just stop altogether” and yeah I’m not blind I know I am. But I don’t want to be the type of alcoholic who has to stop completely, I want to change and better myself to be a normal drinker because I do like drinking and I’m not ready to stop forever… yet.

Sorry for the long post, using this as a diary and vent. If anyone is interested, I will make an update on how my first time drinking again goes this Saturday!

Also just want to say this group has helped me a lot this month, so thank you all!!!

WE DID IT!