Do You Want To Play A Game with Me? (Part 2, hopefully)

Let me see, what to tell you. I don't have many secrets. I'm busier everyday, but my autumn mind is quite peaceful. Shall I tell you what happened after summer, though I mentioned it yesterday?

I think you blamed me at least once, which made me cry. I'm curious why you did it, but you most likely forgot about it. Me, too. So far, good memories prevail against bad ones. How about you? Sometimes it feels like something overshadowing your current smiles.

I confess I thought I fell out of love. That was the feel I couldn't deny in September. I still liked you a lot, but that crazy summer sparks were gone. Needless to say, you were out of my league. It felt like I woke up from a long dream. I felt embarrassed by what I felt, thought, and sought.

I also believed you were going through something great, something rare, which made your soul grow. Ofc you did, you always do from any experiences. But in your history, these years are not that special. I laughed at how special I thought I was to you.

I'm not testing you. I'm saying this not to make you deny it. I believe you like me. You feel better with where you are now. I just don't want to overglorify it.

My connection with you is really special, one of a kind. I believe yours is similar, but something is missing. Too fragile.

When I was losing the sparks, I imagined you did the same. Selfishly I felt sad. What I held on to secretly till summer was like blasphemy. So I think I started to purify those thoughts while maintaining my adoration for you. I wondered where those energies I came from. The increasing energies that I devoted to you. I guess that's because it exponentially increased my happiness.

My pride and shame were fighting then.

You rarely blamed me now. (...Are you restraining yourself?) You kept sending nice sweet words to me as if you knew my anxiety.

Then one night, my pride was winning backed by my secret nightly desire. I wonder if you wanted to see that. It was like an insect emergence that was moist with the morning dews. It was difficult to breathe that moment.

This is the current me. Still confused by this new world. I still quite don't know what you are going to do with this situation. Honestly I still think this is so absurd that no one believes it.

I'm sorry that I often bring things in a joke. I thank you a lot for taking them seriously with smile.

When I felt so cold that I believed I wouldn't survive this coming winter, you kept bringing lots of firewood and placing them on the fire one after another. You still do. I feel very warm now.

Sorry again my writing isn't constructive nor well developed. I kept writing things that came to my mind. I will try do better next time.

S.

PS. TBH the room is too hot already 🥵. While cherishing your adorable innocent smile when you put more and more logs in the fire, I wonder what you want me to do....🤔 (Sorry!)