losing too many people

My boyfriend died earlier this year. He was my very best friend. In addition to that bc of the way my best friend acted after finding out he died i couldn’t let myself continue being friends with her. I moved to a new area so now barely keep in contact/ see old friends. The 2 closest friends i had here were both guys. One was a little more than friends who cut it off with me. For a couple reason such as me having “too much baggage for a relationship” and me “not being over my ex.” (The guy he is referring to is my dead bf who i only really talk to him about if it comes up in convo like he’s in a story i’m telling, Also i won’t delete pictures of him). My other friend asked me on a date the same day and it made me so uncomfortable i stopped talking to him as well. I had friends i knew from high school here so i reach out to them but can’t help but judge them a little for not reaching out to me when my boyfriend died. Plus some of them never even responded to me and the ones who did i was never that close to. My brothers roommate who my bf also knew died a couple days ago. I wish i could talk to my bf about it but nope! Genuinely have never felt this lonely like wtf