URGENT FEELING ADVICE

Hi I need some advice.

4 years back my brother in laws (sisters husbands) brother added me on Snapchat at we spoke for 2 weeks bare in mind I was 15 and he was 16 at the time but I ended up blocking him as I was scared my sister would find out and I wasn’t interested at the time. He tried to reach out multiple times but I threatened to tell my family if he continued to do so he was very upset about the situation and wanted to continue talking but this isn’t allowed in my family since I am Muslim and also I was young so had no idea about feelings.

Fast forward 4 years later I go to Pakistan and I end up meeting him (I hadn’t even thought about him for 4 years) but when I seen him in real life I kind started to feel something he was goodlooking , well mannered , settled and funny and he took me around in Pakistan for 4 days (my sister his sister in law was with me she is unaware about the past).

I leave it as that and come back to the uk but shortly realise I may have developed feelings but thought it was just a Holiday crush. Online Ludo was a very common thing to play so I would play matches and often my brother in law and sister would also add him into it but we didn’t speak or anything on the match.

One day my brother in law sends me a private link forwarded on WhatsApp n when I join it’s Him he plays a game with me and I accept his Snapchat request but I shortly remove him after 1 day as I am stressed someone will find out and also I am not someone who does this Im only 18 at the time and do not speak to boys or have boys on social media. The Ludo matches become often with him and I invite My friend to play who then makes a insta group chat and ships us but I shipped him with my friends as I don’t want to admit my feelings as of yet.

He then messages me with a huge paragraph confession but I reject him due to being scared. I then few months down the line accept his Snapchat request since he had moved to Malaysia and I wanted to congratulate him and we spoke for 1 day but it was short lived since my sister read our chats and I got into trouble (he was a bit flirty).

My brother in law then finds out since my sister angrily told him to tel his brother to stay way from me. My brother in law pulls me aside without my sister knowing and asks me if there is any feelings involved and if there is he can bring a proposal in 5 years time meanwhile we both educate and work on ourselves. I reluctantly accepted that I do have feelings but his brother isn’t aware and I am not aware if his brother still likes me due to me rejecting him a few months back. My brother in law assures me his brothers feeling are still there and tells his brother about my feelings.

Once In a while the guy I liked would check up on me but he knew I was at risk and we didn’t speak often as I wanted to keep everything halal I also had him on 0 social media we spoke and he would sometimes be very vocal about his feelings and other times it would seem he was not interested which led to confusion since it was my first time liking someone and this isn’t a usual situation.

Also there was a 7 hour time difference in Malaysia and where he worked allowed 0 phones sometimes he took 20 hours to reply. I wasn’t sure what to do 5 years was a long time away and I felt uneasy not knowing whether this guy genuinely liked me how he used to since he would give extremely dry responses.

I explained how I felt in a paragraph and said how he doesn’t put any effort instead of him reassuring me he sent a sad face emoji and left it at that. Fast foward now he hasn’t contacted me for 3 months and I thought my feelings had gone but In reality I feel like they have grown I was confused as this guy chased me for several years and when I reciprocated his feelings his interest slowly went. But at the same time he admitted to his elder brother about his feelings so would a unserious person do that?

I’m not sure what to do as my brother in law thinks everything is done and dusted on my end and I no longer like his brother but I have 0 clue if his brother still likes me. Also since my sister had “caught” me she started disliking her brother in law and on a Few occasions they have argued over that matter my sister is really close to me and I feel bad doing it behind her back she is unaware of the depth and history of the situation but at the same time I’m helpless I’ve prayed and prayed for these feelings to go away even waking up for tahajud but they seem to always creep back.

I don’t know what to do. Do I tell my brother in law about my feelings but I don’t want it to seem like I’m chasing his brother. Or do I tell him the guy I like but if he really liked me then he should have fought for me sending me a emoji showed me 0 interest and also it’s a risky situation with my sister ever finding out. I have 0 clue what to do I wish I could know if the feeling was mutual maybe he just liked the chase and not me or maybe his scared of my sister and is staying away the ambiguity of the situation and the several questions I have keep me stressed. I feel like I can’t move on either since I’m just always thinking about the possibilities and his feelings which I’m unaware about.

Thank you if u read this far any advice is appreciated