What does it mean having an insane fear of dying off any drug after a huge shroom trip?

Earlier this year and last year I stopped taking care of myself since I got kicked out to my car for smoking weed from my parents and it’s been a rough ride this past year and a half got kicked out a few times after going back and the last few times I totally gave up and got super sleep deprived /psychosis and was basically crazy asf and super paranoid I was basically a fucking wreck. I took 5 grams or so of penis envy and idk after that I can’t smoke weed without getting insane paranoia that my friends tryna kill me and I get lost in my head with these paranoid thoughts. Idk if it’s from that shroom trip or what but I’ve been working on myself slowly but surely lately and it’s been slowly getting better I got a room now and I want to trip again but idk when I should. Like should I keep working on myself before I take it again? I think I probably should because I feel like all I’ll get is just anxiety thinking I’m dying or something if I take it again.