I need to stop

I’ve been b/p for a week straight now and today none of the food I ate would come out. I feel so fucking disgusting and I really don’t want to do this ever again. Why can’t I change, why can’t I just have a normal relationship with food. I’m underweight and wouldn’t even mind gaining some weight but the feeling of purging out all the food is just so addicting to me. I just want to be happy without having to harm myself in the process, I want to change.