TW: suicide attempt

He may not have killed himself that day one year ago. He thought about it. Like seriously thought about it. He was sitting in our garage, hand on the trigger, ready to end it all. He might not have killed himself that evening as I rushed home to try to talk him down but he might as well have. The man that I married isn’t there any more. Now I have a man that resents me. A husband that won’t touch me. A friend that barely speaks to me. He didn’t kill himself that day but he might as well have. He’s not the man that loved me. He seems to only have hatred and disgust for me now. No matter what I do. I’m constantly talked down on. Looked down on. And treated like I am less than. I paid all of our bills this past year since he lost his job. He was caught drinking on the job and was fired on the spot. I’ve been the bread winner. On a measly teachers salary. I’ve kept us afloat. Barely. I’ve been drowning ever since that day one year ago. Everything that I try to do to show my love and devotion goes nowhere. I’m lost. I keep trying but nothing seems to work. When I finally lose it, i’m treated like I am a psycho and a loser and like I have done everything wrong. It’s like he thinks that I am the biggest problem. He didn’t kill himself in our garage that day but he killed us, and he might as well have killed me. And yet, I still can’t bring myself to leave him.