Wish someone could tell me what to do

My spouse gets really angry and has a hard time with empathy. As in, if I try to share things like “that hurt my feelings” or whatever, they will focus more on how I’ve said it wrong and attacked them by saying it, than on the content of what I say. The last time, they got super angry and told me to go fuck myself and how easy it is to leave me. They then told me I wouldn’t hear from them until they had a lawyer contact me and they left. They are abusive emotionally every couple months like clockwork.

I’m tired of this happening so often. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday, except the anger and threats of divorce and telling me he wouldn’t have to deal with me much longer. Nothing for our anniversary. He’s been a lousy partner.

I know this is a common thing but I know he really loves me. He goes into modes where it’s like Jekyll and Hyde. He is okay and caring immediately after I have surgery, but yells at me later that day. He tried an anger management program and a dbt class but clearly none of that is enough.

As I see it I have two options…separate while they work through an abusers program, or just ask for a divorce. My pregnancy complicate things. My psychiatrist warned me about her thoughts on adding a child to the mix. I know I can’t just let things go back to normal anymore.