That crazy little thing

So, I've been dealing with depression most of my adult life, mostly unmedicated (mostly because everything I've tried have worsened my symptoms and I've tried alot) and one thing that I know is pretty common for alot of people is that feeling of never being enough.

This has been at the forefront of my mind lately due to some things that have occurred, namely, one of the teachers I work with asking me out on a date, after at least a week of me noticing that they've been flirting with me. Who knows how long it's actually being going on.

Anyways we went for coffee today and ended up just complaining about how our days could have gone better and looking over some of the planning for next week. Either way it was fun and I want to do it again some time but there is that voice in my head that keeps saying things like "oh yea no that totally wasn't a date, they just needed help planning" or "ha even if it was a date do you really think they had fun with you" and of course "do you really think you're worth being cared about in any way"

Deep down I know that I am worth while but there is that constant thought of "oh what if I fuck everything up again"

The biggest thing that makes me feel like this would be something doable is the fact that I haven't been completely depressed and self-loathing for a couple years, of course I've had slips, but I have been in a pretty happy period in my life and I have my best friends to thank for that, as well as the major changes I've made in my life.

Sorry for the rant, this has just been on my mind and I wanted to get it written down somewhere I felt it might help others or Atleast help someone feel they aren't alone