I hate myself.

24F. I am addicted to cocaine, nicotine, anorexia, stealing, and spending money. My addiction is hurting the person I love the most, my partner. He’s on the verge of leaving me.

When I’m coming down from being high, I am more prone to lashing out at him, or taking his money and spending it on whatever. I’ve stolen from my family and him for cocaine. We’re nearly broke.

I am so sick of being an addict and hurting everyone. I should know better because my dad was an addict. But I don’t.

Addiction is ruining everything I love. I’m too scared to quit. I’m so scared and traumatized of being fat. All I want is a thigh gap. But I’m ruining my health, my family, my relationship for it.