Craving Motivation

I've been practicing in the Goenka tradition for a few years with mixed results which have started to push me into other directions (I'm attending my first non-Goenka retreat in January!).

Q: I can see that for true progress on this path to happen, the practice, the dhamma, the truth must become the most important part of one's life. My question is how? How can my mind understand that what it has been all my life doing is not productive in my happiness/fulfillment?

"What do I really want?" I see that in one hand I want to progress on the path, but in the other I that I want other things (sense desires, emotional fulfillment, etc.). I am writing this question seeing that I think I would rather fall in love than go on a meditation retreat. Why? Because in my experience, love has been incredible, and meditation has been great too, but I want love more. I can see that this is an externalization of my happiness and that its probably setting me up for suffering, but I am only being honest. There are other things in life that I might perceive as being very important, while meditation can often feel like a side quest.

So with this being said. I now find myself craving a spiritual experience so that my practice, the dhamma, the truth, becomes the ultimate focus. I have thoughts that if meditation can prove to me that it will make me happier than sensory/sensual experiences, then I will be able to devlop deeply on the path.

After a few years of sitting 2+ hours a day and going on 1-2 retreats/year, I almost feel like I wasn't doing anything, that nothing was happening. Through the years, I always thought that if I keep practicing with equaniminity that questions, doubts, delusions would sort themself out. Looking back, I think my practice had largely been unproductive and not truly mindful. There had been (and probably still is) some sort of block that my practice wasn't touching.
One point that I can see the importance in, and have heard expressed by numerous teachers, is that of mindfulness in everyday life and continuity of practice. I can also see that when I sit down to meditate, the intention that supports my sit is important. I can have a lame and lazy sit, or a sit with integrity. I think that an important factor in this continuity of practice or integrity of mindfulness is one's determination, to be in the present and to KNOW that the present is the most important thing (that its all that there is).

I almost feel like I am playing a 'chicken or egg' game. Where I need determination to progress on the path, and I need progress/wisdom to be deeply determined.

Any thoughts are welcome and appreciated, thank you.