Web of lies

I (32F) am terrified of what I’m doing and I can’t tell anyone in my life.

I had a miscarriage a month ago. My first pregnancy. I’ve struggled in my relationship because my partner isn’t good at talking about or listening to negative thoughts or feelings even in times of trauma. I started taking cocaine to numb my emotions and now I can’t stop.

The truth is I take it nearly every day by myself at night, barely sleep and feel nothing. He doesn’t realise what I’m doing. I’ve been distant from him so he doesn’t realise.

I need help but I can’t tell him. I had issues with cocaine 3 years ago which he knows about and won’t let me touch it now. He would be horrified and disgusted to find out. And probably leave me.

How can I stop?