Trip Report, ego death experienced for the first time

It started when I put on some music and ignited my bowl, and the scent in the air took on a profoundly unique quality, almost tangible. It felt as if each molecule was being assessed by my tongue, seeping into my skin. My breath and these molecules seemed to be drawn out through my nostrils, creating a vacuum. It was at this point that I sensed a deconstruction occurring at the subatomic level, and all these particals, reminiscent of celestial bodies, were propelled into the vastness by the force of the Big Bang. We drifted through an infinite cosmic expanse, dancing together, occasionally pulled apart by the surrounding dark matter. We ascended into the boundless reaches, ascended like a roller coaster, and began to plummet with such velocity that I could feel it groin.

However, as I attempted to decipher the profound truths hidden within this experience, the music reasserted its presence in my mind, mundane imagery taking precedence over the cosmic revelations. It became a whirlwind of images racing by at a disorienting pace, occasionally unsettling. Now and then, my mind darkened, akin to a black hole, and I found serenity within that obscurity. Yet, before long, the drums burst forth like a cannonball striking a pristine lake. The resulting splash felt like a punch to the chest, a resounding 'boom' echoing within my heart and throat. This auditory shockwave radiated outward, its echoes reversing direction, drawn back into me. And yet, the initially scattered sound soon fell into geometrical order, returning to a harmonious cadence.

I got tired of the music interfering with my 'thinking', if you can call it that, so I shut it off. Soon all multiplicity collapsed into an intifinitly small point, no larger than a pinprick. Because this was non-conceptual it was impossible to understand it. But it was also a unity, a oneness, and in that regard it was simple, it was a 'simplex' (after Plotinus). This simplex was not only challenging me but inviting me to release my ego and witness the world as it truly is, a unity, an undivided whole. But this was still vague, it was still elusive and hard to nail down. So I tettered on the egde, at once collapsing, at once expanding.

In this extraordinary dimension, the past lost its conventional meaning, and I found myself living myriad lives in unison. When I spoke, all of these voices harmonized, representing the collective existence of all who had ever lived and would ever live, converging within me in the indivisible present. The sound that came out of my mouth was terrible. A bell rung like a bass drop, and this image of the Bhudda rose high up in the air. The voices appeared in my consciousness like a Darwinian evolutionary chart, with all my ancestors and progeny standing together in unity, much like an infinite hall of mirrors. It resembled a feedback loop, at times so overwhelming I thought I might vomit. It alternated between expansion and contraction, a recurring motif during these journeys. Everything would collapse into an infinitesimal point, the 'Simplex,' no larger than a pinprick. Yet, when my thoughts returned, it would erupt, projecting images in all directions, and I'd experience a sensation of movement, as if I were a passenger in a high-end sports car, my head tilting back in synchrony with each surge, like the rhythmic inhalation and exhalation of my mind. As if my thoughts were oxygen, inhaled and exhaled.

Finally, a multitude of roads converged at one infinitesimal point, simultaneously vast and minuscule. This was a land riddled with paradox. It represented all the choices I had ever made and would ever make. My composure nearly slipped entirely when I encountered precognition. In that moment, I was thrust into a panic as I glimpsed my own death. I was presented with a choice that seemed impossible to make, yet it was laid before me in such a way that its connection to the world's suffering became clear, almost a matter of necessity.

I reached a point where I no longer struggled to grasp it, but surrendered to the experience. What unfolded before me was of such sublime and awe-inspiring beauty that it moved me to tears. The weight of this profound truth brought me to my knees, and I couldn't contain the flood of emotions. The "simplex" was finally revealed to me in all its splendor.

Despite the initial intensity, it began to invite my contemplation. It appeared as a radiant web of light, as if it were encouraging me to understand. We have all experienced the sudden parting of the clouds, when the sunlight shines upon some object, be it mountaintops or cliff faces, or sparkling white snow and rolling rivers. It is as if at that very moment, being is enticing us to look inwards. This feeling was multiplied a thousand fold, and it felt like I was falling into it completely, where I was whisked away into the infinite.

At this juncture, all the faculties of perception ceased their usual operations. Even the most fundamental concepts, including those of time and space, dissolved into nothingness. The "simplex" wasn't something to be scrutinized in the conventional sense. It could only be received, not perceived. What I received was nothing short of a new morality.

This wasn't a moral code with a sense of "ought." There were no intellectual constructs or societal norms dictating what was right at a particular time or place. This moral truth was not derived from reasoning, dialectics, or negative consequences. It was immediate and arose from the non-dualistic experience and the death of my ego. This sense of morality didn't originate from any expected reward; it was more akin to a law of nature. Its truth was beyond doubt, a realization that compassion should govern our behavior. It wasn't born of intellectual processes but was a deeply felt, undeniable truth.

The knowledge I held surpassed any concept I had ever entertained. Whenever I endeavored to capture this experience in words, it proved elusive, slipping through the grasp of my rational mind. The inherent futility of such attempts left me feeling somewhat perplexed.