Failing at the teenage years already. What can I do to get some respect?

My daughter is 13. She’s super intelligent, she’s kind, creative and funny. But she’s also spoiled, entitled and disrespectful toward me. She constantly talks back when I ask anything, her room is disgusting, beyond reasonable, and she doesn’t lift a finger around the house. If I say no to anything (hang with friends, new things etc) I’m awful and she hates me.

I know I’ve done it wrong to this point- She has no screen time limits because her grades are great and the pandemic shifted how we use screens.

I have trauma around chores from a verbally abusive childhood where I was screamed at an inch away from my face for not doing them correctly. There are no set chores for her because if it. I expect her to know- like common sense-without me telling her to clean up after herself. When I do,there is so much attitude about it.

I’m so tired of being spoken to and treated like this. I don’t think I like her, which breaks my heart. I need guidance on how to create a respectful and cooperative household before we get deeper into teen years and our relationship is ruined. Any tips, theories or books you can recommend?