Snooze button

I gave in bc I was so mad that “I can’t drink” I was so pissed off I did it. Like I’m mentally feeling all KINDS of ways right now. I mean that’s fine and everything but my stress level this last few days has been insanely high. I realize that it’s not ideal to have alcohol every night. I realize that to be a really good girlfriend or wife that drinking everyday is not what I should be thinking about…but I am stressed the Fuck out bc I’m alone and tired is the last thing I should be with a kid who is living within a messy home and we need to get her homework done and I need to cook dinner and shit. I saw the other night you turn the camera on yourself looking at another girl which pissed me off. And I took that as he doesn’t want me drinking he wants me out walking or whatever. But my fucking apartment is literally out of control. I have all of my clothes on the floor in my beautiful living room, my kitchen is a mess.. i was on a good track saturday morning I was cleaning and in the best ever mood but then some twitter ho made me mad and I left the house, went to my brothers then Kebob place and to the mall. I wanted to clean, but I am a delicate person. And I’m not going to just sit around being upset. If I wanted to sit around be upset and feel sorry for myself I’d already be a ducking loser. Idk this shit is so hard. I really really really like you. I have so many things to “worry” about like just a giant list of things to do… and how to spend my money is one of them too. When I get highly stressed out and don’t have anyone keeping me company I get paranoid.

I wish I could show you a better version of me right this second. But all I have is (this) me, stripped down in the raw in a crazy ass messy apartment with a cat in my lap and a beer left over from last night.

Also I don’t get upset about the calling girls cute. It doesn’t bother me bc I saw how many good looking people in New York there was. I can be around good looking men and still all i want is one person. Also you have an audience that like you to be you in front of them. And so do I.

Anyway… do what you will with this information., I’d rather just be fucking honest with you. Tell you why I’m tripping