He moved on pretty immediately. I’m both hurt & relieved. Here’s how I dealt with the “next supply.”

It’s very likely when you leave, they’ll move on fast. I’ve had this happen to me twice with different partners who ended up being on the opposite sides of the narc spectrum from the Grandiose to the Covert. They both acted exactly the same post breakup or discard.

They’ll tell their next supply you’re insane and to avoid you at all costs. That you will reach out and tell them lies about the narc. But really, you’d be exposing how they hurt, manipulated, and were cruel to you. Healthy people do not feel the need to “warn you” about ex partners typically. Chances are, they warned you about their crazy exes before you. So you already see this pattern, right? A healthy conversation about the past is indifference, not “hey this person might pop up.”

They already WERE NOT GOOD for you. Remember this. It doesn’t matter what they do in their next relationship. What they did to you was not ok. And they will likely suffer through relationships forever. Remember how they couldn’t understand how punishing you was a shit thing to do? Remember how easily they picked you apart, belittled you, mocked you? YOU don’t make people this way. You did not do something that validates poor treatment in return. The fact they could never see that, just means they feel justified to do so to people. And they very likely will mistreat the next person, because they SO obviously don’t get it.

There’s something beautiful about taking your time. If your narc ex moves on then you should too. Go on dates if you’re ready. Be transparent that you may still be on your healing journey, and remain open to those waiting to love you. Recovering from these kinds of relationships can take a very long time, but in my opinion, doesn’t mean you have to constrain yourself to not putting yourself out there and meeting new people. Live unapologetically and authentically. You’ve survived something substantial, while the narc is stuck with themselves and their repeated patterns of “I’m a victim to my ex” when it’s really you who was the victim. You know your truth. And one day, you’ll meet someone who is so loving, validating, wonderful, understanding, and can be there for you the way you need. But also won’t rely on you for all of life’s validations. It won’t be all on YOU to fix or change or feel like you’re always wrong. It’ll be, “let’s work this out together.” Not, “I can’t even talk to you about anything.”

One last major benefit. Let them move on, because it means you can. They either will not hoover you back in at this point, or if they do, there’s now a clear sense of how they operate. You know more now. It’s more clear. If they can jump on the next pretty shiny thing, he’ll love bomb her until she ultimately can’t keep up with his needs to be adored and he’ll start criticizing her too. But at least you know this now. Or at least they’re busy fucking up the next sorry sucker that’s gotta argue with him next. And you’ll be regulated, healthier, and happier without that energy.