My self harm journey so far

I've delt with self harm for about 4 years now and I've been sober for 3 months and have been trying to get better for so long and now that I've made it I feel like I need to relapse so bad but I don't want to do it because I don't want to disappoint anyone and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about my feelings because they will call me a pussy or a bitch for expressing my feelings I really just need advice about how to deal with it cause I havent been doing good these past few weeks