Coworker

Sorry if this is confusingly worded.

So I (F19) have a coworker (M26) who we shall call Z. We work in a small cafe. The first few months we worked together we were really close because we just clicked easily. Important context: I am a lesbian and I'm autistic.

Since day one, Z has consistantly made jokes about my sexuality.

Mainly it's jokes about how I can't eat nuts. 'Oh thats right I forgot you were a lesbian', 'Haha you don't like nuts, get it? cause youre a lesbian' etc.

He also made one or two scissor jokes.

Every time Z does it I either awkwardly laugh and go '....okay' or just stare at him unimpressed. I am VERY uncomfortable with these jokes and last week I finally had enough and told him 'It wasn't funny the last few times you said it and it isn't funny now, can you stop?' and he goes 'I've never made that joke before to you.'

This is important - whenever I call him out on something he backtracks and tells me it never happened.

Z also uses the r slur a lot which makes me SO uncomfortable, and next time he says it im going to tell him to stop. His defence is 'I'm definitley on the spectrum somewhere', and has siblings diagnosed. But it's always 'Oh I'm so r I just messed this up' or 'That was so r of me' (I HATE that word) and it's really getting to me.

Anyways so my main problem with Z:

So maybe a month or two ago, my boss took us all out for dinner and drinks. It's all fun and games until Z goes 'hey wouldn't it be so funny if we kissed'.

I have a running bit with my friends where we all kiss cause we think its really funny, and so I go, yeah okay its funny. And it was really funny.

Until it wasn't.

It was a very short peck and I was okay with that because I was intoxicated and again, I kiss my friends all the time.

About an hour later, I walk past Z flirting with some girls, so I go up to them. They were like 'she is cuter than you' and one of them kissed me, which I was also okay with. I leave Z and the girls because I wanted to go back to where people I knew were.

An hour after that, Z comes up to me VERY drunk and tries to pull me in for a kiss. I tell him no. He keeps trying to kiss me. I push him away and he disappears. Then he comes back and tries again, this time trying to pull me in to a kiss. I am so uncomfortable at this point, I am actively trying to push him off me.

He left at this point to try and get other people to buy him alcohol, and that's the last I saw of Z that night.

Next week at work, Z goes 'hey you know we kissed right? that was funny' When it happened it WAS funny because I was okay with it the first time. Then well, you saw above. I was still very on edge around him.

I bring up the two girls he was hitting on and was like 'my favourite part was when they liked me more' and they immediatley got incredibly defensive and serious and said: 'I never go to clubs to hit on women, or anyone. That isn't me, I have never done that and I never will.'

So I immediatley shut down and realise I can't ever confront him about this because he would deny it til the day he dies. My boss is very close with Z, and so is my other coworker.

Neither of them would believe me.

Other coworker's partner is probably who I'm most comfortable telling (They briefly worked with us but not anymore. We also used to play DND together) but even then I don't know what to do from there.

I'm conflicted because on one hand Z is easy to work with.. half of the time. The other half is how condescending he is all of the time, and contradictory. He will get upset at me on shift for stopping to chat to a customer for a minute, and then turn around and have a 5 minute conversation with friends.

They bag on me about leaving a mess when I am CONSTANTLY picking up his mess. He leaves food on the bench, doesn't sweep the floors, leaves the milk out, etc. The fridges even get left open sometimes.

He makes 10 more dollars than me an hour while I am doing twice the work he is. Its infuriating.

I can't leave my job because I have been unable to get work anywhere else, the hours are super flexible which suits me and my schedule and everyone else is lovely, its just Z that's a problem.

TLDR coworker makes constant jokes about my sexuality and also tried to forcefully kiss me while drunk but nobody would believe me if i told them