Avoidant anxiety/Social phobia

I have struggled with this so much the majority of my life. Calling out of work, not going to school or not doing homework, not doing activities that I actually LOVE to do because suddenly I woke up wanting to curl up and do nothing, and then the next 3-4 days of that week I spiral into even more avoidance. I am filled with guilt and shame letting people down but I am in such a panic to feel safe. I feel like my life has been spent in bed because of so many missed opportunities or risky decisions made to avoid doing something. It is so painful to live like this.

This pattern is exhausting. I pull it together as best I can last minute but the damage is done to my professional and personal relationships. It hurts and I can’t even be at peace when I do cancel everything because of that guilt and shame, though I do try. I know I deserve to show myself the kindness I would show someone else in this position.

I am willing to lie to avoid things because no one takes anxiety or mental health seriously as an excuse in comparison to physical illness or family emergencies especially when this happens multiple times. So I make up emergencies or situations so I can avoid being questioned.

Does anyone else go through this?