PCP Appointment

Hi everyone.

So a combination of PMDD, ADHD (undiagnosed, of course), major depression, and generalized anxiety is actually killing me.

I hit myself, I burn myself, I've historically made myself throw up. I've tried to kill myself. I barely eat or drink. I sleep poorly and wake up many times throughout the night. I'm mean to people I love. I literally cannot stop thinking about my job and obsessing about worst case scenarios. I'm behind on everything. I try so hard to do well but feel it's impossible.

I've chosen a date to end my life if I don't get better by year end. Despite being highly educated with a professional job, my insurance is worthless enough that it won't cover mental health care (or anything, frankly). I've made an initial appointment with a PCP to discuss what can be done for my mental health. I've taken four different anti-depressants in the past, all of which quit working after a while. I'm unmedicated right now. It's obvious I need to be on something.

What would all of you recommend that I speak with my PCP about trying? What other professionals should I get referrals to? I need this appointment to be productive, or I won't hold out much longer. It's been nearly 20 years since I first developed depression in childhood, and I've only gotten worse. I don’t have strength to keep going.

Please help me make this appointment effective.