tw suicide attempt

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Came. And although I really thought I was doing well by you its clear that I wasnt. So I lost my shit. The moment went. A lifetime of thinking I would be back in my kids lives with your help...All fell apart. So Im accepting it and Im done my spoken perserverance can go to God in prayer. If anyone ever wants to talk find me.

Let me appologize. for my part to play. Im sorry for bringing up jenna after she literally bashed you in front or our oldest. Im sorry for blocking you after she did that and keeping her on my friends list because she has money and a nice car, my superficial side chose her and blocked you allowing her to stay after insulting you, the mother of my kids on SM in the presence of our oldest. That was the utmost disrespect she did, and I chose to block you. Im sorry.

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Im sorry for jumping out of the car 3.5 years ago without saying a word and just walking away in the middle of town without explanation...and disappearing from yalls lives with no way to reach me and for no reason.

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Im sorry that you begged me for communication because it was so important to you to keep you from having a mental breakdown. im sorry that i promised a place and time to communicate so many times and dissed you without care each time for no good reason while you spiraled further and further leading to your breaking point.

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Im sorry that you had the suicide attempt after i abandoned you and the kids for that 3.5 years. I cant believe how blessed you are that it wasnt successful.

Im sorry for asking you how you were doing while you were spiraling out of control and when you tried to tell me about you anexieties, attempted X, and how you were freaking out because we were in the EXACT SAME SITUATION just 3.5 years later...Sorry for asking you how you were, and not letting you finish the first sentence, cutting you off mid sentence saying "ill brb" and not coming back for over an hour. Im sorry that when I came back I told you I had something important to talk to you about (not allowing you to speak on your traumas and fears) and making you listen to how I was concerned with my ex gfs mental health for 45 minutes...then taking off

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Im sorry that you reached out that last moment asking yet again for a time and place top communicate saying it "was imperative, important, and necessary asap" and I responded "sure how about lunch tomorrow" we agreed...then i commenced to tell you I got my old crack smoking buddy out my life that I used to screw hookers with. that he was bad, unsafe, and toxic for me...and we havent talked for a good long while and we never will again because hes not good for me.

im sorry that the very next day when it was time to ccommunicate that I told you i had "something very important come up..." then I got in my car and drove straight to my crack smoking hooker friends house partied all day and took off on vacation with him for a week. lying to you and dropping whjat was absolutely necassary for your mental health and trading it for the guy i said i quit being around.

Im sorry that I was lying about "just being friends with your old really good buddy and nothing else" and the ghosting you because i was scared you would be a thorn in the side of our romance...im sorry for squeezing you out at the cost of your and the kids healing and bond.\

im sorry for threatining to abandon the kids every time you said something I did not like.

Im sorry for lying to the kids and telling them you made me leave 3.5 years ago knowing that i just had the idea to get out the car in the middle of the city and jumped out and ran telling no one why, and blocking all ways for you all to get in touch.

Im sorry for dismissing you, disrespecting you, not listening to any of your concerns, or advice,. Im sorry for belittling and devaluing you.

Im sorry that when you finally broke i ran from you and them again and went silent again without reason.

^(And most of all Im sorry for lying to you right now by taking every single thing you did leading up my nervous breakdown and following ghosting of my kids, putting it in this letter, and acting like it was ACTUALLY ME that did any of those things. when truth be told it was you. but thats why im isolated and ghosted...to keep the truth from being told...ever im sure. ill pray for you. and my kids.)