Im Burnt out and things aren't changing

I (26m) have basically been my partner's (27m) primary caregiver since before we even started dating. Im autistic and adhd and he is too along with a host of physical issues that make it impossible for him to do much of anything during bad flairs. So for the last few years I've been in charge of pretty much all of the cooking cleaning and upkeep of us as well as the primary income of our house. We get help from his family and being in school he gets by with student loans sometimes. He's supposed to graduate soon and I am afraid he's not ready to live life without the training wheels that being in school has given him. I don't know how much longer we are gonna be allowed to keep the support that we have and with that our lease isn't being renewed at the end of spring. Supposedly he is gonna get a job with his degree and wfh but with what Ive seen of his schoolwork i am not sure how realistic that is gonna be; when things get hard or he feels bad he just kinda stops. Things that are on his plate get pushed to mine and anything that falls off mine doesn't get done.

When i've expressed my stress in the past his solution has always been that i don't need to do so much and that i need to take time out of my day for enjoyment and happiness but i don't have the support he does. If i stop doing things things stop getting done. Im so burnt out all the time that half the time my treat to myself is sleep or eating and i feel guilty for those things. Lately he has been going through a bad depressive episode and wants to be with me and have me engaged all the time with him. I get guilted for when i sleep (i work night shift) or hang out with friends and lately he has been inviting himself along to everything I do. He showed up to someones house i was at and brought the friend who was with him while me and the owner of the house were still asleep (i was on the couch) without prior ok from the homeowner. I feel like i cant leave him alone because he wont take care of himself when he's like this but anytime i try and talk to him about this he shuts down and doesnt change. I'm at the end of my rope and i dont know what to do anymore.

I feel like a monster for being upset with him all the time but i feel like hes in some of these situations because of the choices he makes. He will dopamine chase after anything meaning he uses what money and energy he has doing whatever he wants and buying anything that will make him. happy for 20 minutes. I feel like my needs will never come before his next dopamine fix. Ive had to skip meals to pay for things he needs like food or medicine and he doesnt stick to things once the novelty wears off. He avoids his schoolwork then breaks down when hes not doing well in class. He really only has 1 or 2 chores and im lucky if he does them weekly. Im getting to the point where i want to just stop trying. I dont like being home because its a mess except for my spaces and if i stay in my room too long he will come and wake me up and ask to do something. I feel like an asshole asking him to spend his good days working but i feel like thats adult life. I cant callout just because im tired or sore. I spent 4 monthes working with a cane because i coukldnt get a break unloading the truck every week. I dont know if i believe he will hold down a job but if he can this might be my only shot at getting a break for the next like 5 years. Im considering leaving once he graduates but a part of me feels that i deserve to rely on him for a bit and get the reward of him being an equal partner; the other part doesnt think it will happen anyway. I dont know what to do and i dont know how to talk to him at this point.