How to stop the self sabotage cycle?

I’m going through a lot right now and don’t know how to handle it. My mother relapsed after a year of being clean, and she relapsed hard. Last time I came over she had 7 drinks in the span of five hours. She’s been doing this almost every time I come over and refuses to stop. So now im keeping my distance from her but we’re really close. I won’t lie, with her being my caretaker growing up some of her drinking tendencies have worn off on me. Im really scared of becoming my mother.

On top of this, my boyfriend of six years has been losing interest with me, to the point where it’s extremely noticeable now. He flat out just doesn’t talk to me, leaving me basically to talk to myself. He comes home from work, sits on the couch, and instantly puts on a sports game, usually he’ll have it pulled up on his phone even before then. I have tried EVERYTHING to get his attention. He will flat out ignore me talking and scroll on his phone mindlessly instead. I jokingly pointed it out a couple of times, then I pointed it out more sternly, then we got into a fight over it. Nothing has changed, he genuinely just has no interest in talking to me. This coupled with the fact that he has no interest whatsoever in being intimate with me is a pretty telling sign that he’s done with me. I’ve tried to get him to tell me what’s going on and talk to me but he won’t. He doesn’t even have to say anything anymore because I can tell, I can feel it.

I feel worthless. I know I shouldn’t place my self worth on others but I do. He’s all I have. I have no friends, I’ve been ill for the past year to the point I can’t hold a job, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this but all I want to do is buy a bottle of vodka and try to drink myself into delirium. The urge to drink is so overwhelming and strong. I just want to shut out the world and not exist today. I feel so small. I’ve isolated myself to the point if I died no one would even know, and that’s not where I wanted to be at 24. I feel like if I get drunk I can convince myself everything’s okay