This is a grief I wasn't expecting. I've been NC with my uBPD Mum since 2015ish. She sucks,  NC is great, but I've spent a lot of time in therapy talking about how I feel like a stupid little duckling imprinting on any nice manager or person of authority in my life without their consent. There's a parental hole. My dad is also ... I dunno, maybe a narc? Maybe just a cunt with ADHD? Whatever he is he's less poo than Mum, but still pretty poo.

So I've been with my partner for 10+ years and we lived at his parent's house for a number of years. His Mum recently died, entirely unexpectedly, and she was a bit of a pain in the butt (in a pretty normal patent/child way) but I adored her. She was the one who invited me to live with them. I always had a key to her house. Financially, she bailed me and us out so many times. I went on girl's weekends with my sister in laws, neices etc. Fuck, the amount of money I've owed her is ridiculous and she never chased us for it. 

She's the closest thing to a willing mother I've ever had and I'm just realising how much I held back from her because she wasn't "my Mum" and I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm trying so hard not to take up space with the family that isn't mine to take. It feels like such a complicated grief and I guess I was hoping someone here would understand.

Pls enjoy my chubby ginger boy.

My partner's Mum died