I (29f) feel angry and intimidated by all women

I don't think being a feminist or other women have anything to do with this.

This is about your unhealthy relationship with yourself. It's about the way you feel about yourself, your self esteem and your past traumas. It's about not feeling enough.

These feelings tend to manifest themselves in weird ways. In your case, it comes out as a hatred towards other women. But in reality, they are just your feelings of insecurity and self hatred.

Therapy can really help you with this. It can help challenge your unhealthy thought patterns, understand & heal from past trauma, build some healthy coping mechanisms for your feelings and build up your self esteem.

I view other men similar way and can't make any emotional connection with them. For me they are just either nuisance, danger or resource.

I definitely feel intimidated by all other women, because honestly I still feel like a 12 year old girl most days despite being nearly triple that age. With time it's developed into a deep appreciation for the women I look up to instead of like a jealousy thing or self-deprecating infatuation. I don't really have any anger towards women unless I am in a relationship. Then, they all remind me of my mother who will do anything to another person if it means she will get joy out of it.

I do pretty much have a deep anger towards all men, though. That one is way more based in directly experiencing them to be awful, though. Definitely not an automatic sort of thing like it is when I am feeling insecure in a relationship.

I even feel threatened by like female writers and musicians, because obviously my bf can only like their works because he wants to fuck them

I struggle with the same thing. It sucks even more whenever I get threatened by mutual friends. But my mind can't comprehend that I'm good enough to be loved and my partner can be loyal and satisfied with me.

I have a hard time with other women as well, because all the bullies in my life were female. The people who pretended to be my friends yet didn't give a shit about me were always female. I struggle to trust them at all.

Were you raised with a lot of toxic masculinity around? I was raised by two men and had a lot of internalized misogyny that fucked up my relationships with women until I was in college and finally met a bunch of really smart, awesome women who liked and supported me. That was when I started to realize who the real enemy is. I was a feminist before, so I thought, but that's when I really began to feel it. Even though I didn't adopt the beliefs of my caregivers, I was constantly surrounded by traditional gender role nonsense, men are smart and strong, women are weak, stupid, and sentimental.

My recommendation is to be friends with more women. Shift your headspace to one of solidarity against "the man." Get involved in some women's groups, political stuff, book clubs, hiking, whatever. Absorb it. You are part of the group, you're not outside it. These are your teammates, not competitors. They're not trying to fuck your boyfriend. I think it really would help. Plus the kind of women who join clubs and groups like that have a lower likelihood of being boyfriend-stealers than women who exclusively socialize in environments which center around consuming alcohol, as is common with people in their early to mid 20s.

Hey I kinda relate in that I feel threatened by other women and am constantly comparing myself to them worrying my bf wants them. I don’t feel anger or animosity at all bc of this towards other women thankfully, just self hatred, but I can definitely see how some people turn this pain outwards instead. I’m hoping my extreme insecurity is something I’ll be able to get over in time in therapy. I see you’re in therapy too, definitely bring it up to the therapist and hang on until then😭😭

It sounds like these thoughts are intrusive and they’re not based on your actual beliefs. Rationally, you know there’s no way every single woman you see is with your ex. So there’s an element of delusion in your thought process (I’m saying this without judgement and just stating it from a symptom perspective). It’s heightened even more because these thoughts don’t align with your belief system and worldview - incongruence makes difficult emotions feel even heavier.

Others have a good point in examining your own self confidence. Now is a really important time to give yourself compassion. Acknowledge you’re having an intrusive thought, identify the feeling (anger, hurt, fear, grief, etc.), and tend to your emotional wound. Don’t ruminate in the intrusive thoughts - focus on your healing actions. How can you show yourself love?

As long as you’re not outwardly acting on these feelings and hurting others, you are allowed to feel upset during this time - even if your feeling isn’t based on fact. Don’t try to shut down your feeling. Move with it, breathe through it, and be kind to yourself.

Sounds like some displaced anger. Have you ever tried a CBT worksheet? It might help you reason with underlying issues.

This is most definitely from insecurity. Discuss it with your therapist to delve deeper into it.

I don't but I find it very hard to make friends with women. I'm 44. But men are sooo easy to make friends with and in married too

i very much relate to this. something im most ashamed of is how much crap i used to give the recent ex-gfs of the guys i'd date.. ugh

Yes. When my last relationship ended I despised every girl I would pass on the street who I thought was his “type”

i feel this to towards my partner. I feel intimidated and i feel a lot of jealousy towards other girls.

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Sometimes I comment my toxic shit and I'm so sure that I will get downvoted, because I'm not normal, but seeing that others have these thoughts and problems is kinda reassuring. Now I just want to know how to get rid of these patterns

Internaliseer masogyny

You sure about that? Lol. You seem to be highly confused. I am going to protect that woman as best I am able to. She doesn't deserve you doing the same thing to her that you are doing to me. I won't let you destroy her life--Sara McConnell will not experience the horrible things I have at your hands. Don't get it twisted.