he hurt me for so long and i stayed. once i stood up for myself it’s my fault and he leaves. for good

me(20 f) and my ex (m 21) had a 2 year relationship. most of it was bad on his end. but we did have good times and memories. he treated me poorly but always said he would change. when he did change almost a year later, it was already far too late and i was never satisfied. i always had to ask him for flowers, for basic treatment, to communicate, stop fighting. i cried so much. i gained weight over the 2 years, i was sad and sometimes unhappy but i still wanted love. i wanted intimacy. and he gave me that but i was treated unfairly at the same time. it hurts because i thought he cared. we both hurt each other but in the beginning i did nothing wrong. i just wanted a loving partner but he hurt me. for nothing. we had good times and i always think about our memories but most of our relationship really damaged me. he did give me love and it took the pain away but it always came back.

this weekend we fought badly because of his behavior. he ignored me and walked away from me because he wanted space, (which i didn’t know at the time) i was wondering what’s wrong before he told me. he eventually said he just wanted a day to himself and he gave me the silent treatment while we were christmas shopping. it put be in a bad mood because i was really happy to see him originally. we ended up fighting for 2 days because of this and it threw me off the ledge.. we did make up and he did say he wanted to make it up to means go to therapy but this wasn’t the first time this has happened. i didn’t know if i should believe him or not.. i eventually spiraled. and cried because of the treatment he was giving me repeatedly. i was stressed and didn’t know what to think, i was crying every two to 3 weeks and i just wanted to love each other. i ghosted him said i was done. but i cracked and i eventually came back after 4 days. i wasn’t in the right mindset because i was severely hurt and upset. i find out he’s on tinder after ONLY 4 days and everything we went through and to find out he wants nothing to do with me. he said he had better things to worry about and that he was upset. it crushed me. i’m so hurt. i didn’t want this for me but i’m just so hurt. how he could do that after 2 years. i did nothing wrong. i just wanted a partner… and he hurt me almost all the time.. i just wanted love and good treatment:( i always tried to be a good partner to him but he turned me ugly and when i would return the same energy he would put the blame on me and just make it seem like it’s my fault.