77 days clean from meth - some "rehab thoughts"

in rehab, not only i had group therapies and consultations with psychologist and addictologist, but also lot of time to think and share with other people in simmilar situation. This is something of what applies to me.

short nugget of wisdom: Sobriety is not opposite of addiction, opposite of addiction is connection, to your feelings, to other people, to reality.

Longer: Realizing psychological needs were fullfilled with meth and finding some sober ways to fill these needs. For me, it was not just stupid physical euphoria, but also:

- emotional connection to myself and the world, feeling everything outside and inside in high resolution. when meth kicked in in a good way, i felt everything more intense, physically, emotionally, in realm of thoughts. I was sure about what i feel and interesting was that both the good and the bad stuff i felt was filled with euphoria. I was seeing clearly all the shit in my life and the world, but i had the power to accept it so i was calm. So on meth i accepted everything and was "whole" like braking defense mechanisms but at the same time have the power to accept unnacceptable. Of course not every meth experience was good, the toxic psychosis was not only one bad experience.

- Psychological strenght - being able to face the reality of life, having the power to accept the reality as it is. Energy to think, to do stuff, to meet people, to talk to listen.

Sober ways to get some of these abilities.

- sharing whole reality (not only the nice) of life in a safe space with other people with mutual, non-judging manner. This makes the unnaceptable -> acceptable. Not just not being alone, but being in a social net that is accepting the whole reality.

- Being able to process negativity. Lot of people don't agree in this but it works for me. Being able to feel the bad stuff, don't supress it. ventilate it. It can be trough music, expression, maybe even some sports. My way to became calm is not by saying "it will be all good, don't think about the bad" but acceptanceof reality as it is. My thoughts are, why i felt such euphoria on meth even when i was fully realizing the dark stuff? because i had the psychological power to feel it and don't supress it. On the other hand i don't mean by this to search for negativity. Just

- building good habits like excercise, regular regime with time to sleep, waking up in the same time etc. -> that helps to build some of the psychological strenght.

- only thing i can thing of about how to get this "high relosution" emotionality is meditation. But I also think that we people often feel less or less clearly because of the defense mechanisms and disconnection from reality as an ego defense mechanisms. So aforementioned ways - sharing, accepting and building psychological power applies to this also.

Other thoghts:

every ability the drug give you, you will loose in the long term

- clear thoughts -> psychotic thoghts

- energy -> zero energy without the drug

- acceptance of self and world -> loss of power to handle any stress while sober.

etc.

It can be used to somethin at first, but by time you are just chasing the high.

i realized this even before the rehab. I had some mind-changing realizations on meth that showed me who I am, but as the time goes, it was just about being focused like in trance state and smoking it fro the lightbulb. If was doing drugs for doing drugs.

that takes me back to the short nugget of wisdom at start. By the time with any addiction, you are loosing contact with real needs, loosing emotional connection to reality and gaining emotional connection to the drug instead.