AITA for not wanting to go visit my dying Grandmother?

I realize the title definitely paints me as an asshat. I do.

But from a young age I have never dealt with loss well (i don't think anyone really does deal with it well) my 12 year old cousin got hit by a train when i was 8 and it really shook me up because at that age i thought we were immortal.

just turned 24 and in the 2 months before my bday I lost an old friend to suicide that I had just got close with again because he moved back to where I live (almost felt like he was coming to say goodbye)

and another friend to accidental overdose. Both in their 21st year.

Find out just recently my last Grandparent left has stage 4 Pancreatic cancer and is in a Hospital about 2 hours from us. I've had two chances to go visit her and couldn't bring myself to go.

My parents are harping on me and i totally understand that I will regret this in the future! 'Cause I dont do funerals either and I know that is seen as disrespectful or whatever but im just not as strong as most.

The last thing I wanna do is try and say goodbye to someone I love when I didnt have the chance regardless lately.