When will I feel normal again after stopping SSRI?

Quick background – I’ve been on SSRI’s for pretty much the last 28 years of my life… I would think I felt fine and go off for a year or two, only to get back on when I started feeling depressed or anxious again. They were initially prescribed to me when I was a teenager dealing with depression and SH. Don’t have that anymore, and decided to get off of them (Lexapro 10 mg)-about nine months ago completed the tapering process. My life was stable and content at the time, and I didn’t like the idea of being on them for my entire entire life if I didn’t need to. Since then, it’s been a bit of a struggle – I was almost euphoric once I got through the withdrawal symptoms, but about a few months in I had weeks of what I can only describe as a hopeless depression for no apparent reason. Eventually that subsided, but I’m experiencing a lot of panic type anxiety at times over the littlest things. Making bigger decisions, such as a possible job change turned out to be a nightmare as I couldn’t get control over my anxiety. I’m now afraid to make decisions at all, and wondering if I’m going to eventually give up and just go back on the SSRIs. Frustrated, not knowing if this is the new normal, I just need to give it more time, or if this is a sign that the reason I initially was prescribed SSRIs have never really gone away and I do need to be on them. Any advice? It’s been out of my system for 9 months now, and I feel like my attitude of not wanting to get on them ever again has been challenged more than ever over this last year. Sorry so long and thanks for any advice or help!🙏🏻