Problems with rule consequentialism and threshold deontology

Question: Are all of the following ethical systems basically just dead ends?

I am a layman interested in philosophy. I did some reading on SEP, and here are the problems I can't seem to find a solution to:

• Deontology --> absolutist --> dire consequences (not lying about who's in the house when a mass murderer is at your door)

• Consequentialism --> practical impossibility of measurement/calculation of good, ignores justice/rights (kill one person to save others)

• Threshold Deontology --> arbitrary thresholds

• Rule consequentialism --> if criteria includes
  (1) rules should be based on consequences
  (2) agents must follow such rules
  (3) agents must have overriding commitment to maximize good
  then when (2) and (3) are in conflict, (3) will be used as the overriding criteria, and then rule consequentialism starts looking similar to act consequentialism, and suffers from similar problems as that.
  --> if criteria includes only (1) and (2), that starts looking absolutist, and suffers from similar problems as deontology. To avoid problems of deontology, if one of the rules is "prevent disaster", now it starts looking similar to threshold deontology and suffers from arbitrariness of what / how much constitutes a disaster.

The above seems to be telling me that none of these systems actually solve problems with how one must act in certain morally challenging situations. It seems a bit like Sartre's answer ("you must choose") to his student in the dilemma between fighting his brother who betrayed the country and joined enemy forces while his father was killed in the same war vs. staying with his widowed mother.

In short, there is no answer to these types of dilemmas? That sounds a bit disappointing to me, and I wouldn't like to accept that, so I'm looking to see what this sub has to say.

Personally, I have always felt more comfortable with moral error theory + some form of fictional deontology (rather than fictional consequentialism unlike Mackie) though I haven't fully formed my thoughts on this yet, and suspect that it suffers from ultimately being secretly consequentialist and non-publicizable.

P.S. Sorry for wording the question in such a basic way / for not being precise / polished. It is 4am here, but I didn't want to lose these thoughts, so I felt compelled to post this in a rushed manner.