I saw a video of me dissociating for the first time and it’s freaking me out

So I went on a christmas train thing today and when looking back at the videos and stuff my mum has taken there’s one where it’s so clear I’ve dissociated. I know I dissociate, it happens a lot but I think I’m more upset this time than any other because it’s so clear, like I go from being all smiley to just face dropping zoned out so quick. I’ve only had my adhd diagnosis about 8 months and am still learning to accept it, I guess I’ve kinda come to the realisation that I’m not ever going to be normal and have been quite upset about that. I’m really struggling to actually deal with myself and am really starting to see why people have always thought I’m annoying or not interested and I don’t know what to do about it. There’s probably not much anyone can help with but I guess I just want to know that I’m not alone in these thoughts?