“We are both at fault”

Might be fun to point out the flaws in her Christian values.

Forgiveness is one of those concepts that everybody loves—especially when we’re in need of it. (...) Jesus never taught that forgiveness can just be assumed, as though God were some kind of benign grandfather, sitting in a rocking chair in heaven, smiling sweetly and saying, “There, there; never mind—let’s pretend it never happened.” Forgiveness isn’t that cheap; because sin—doing and saying things wrong—has cosmic consequences: in a moral universe, someone always has to pay.
source

To be clean of sin, in biblical term, you have to own up to what you've done. It's not just confessing in church and saying three hail Mary's. She has to own up to what she's done, without justifying it. Then her God may forgive her, but that does not mean everyone around it should. The consequences of her actions stand.

^(Not a Christian by the way. Just learned a little bit too much about it growing up.)

Ahhh, yes, the false equivalence of an adult acting like a child while the child was expected to act like an adult and be the more forgiving, tolerant, and regulated one.

You have my sympathies. And some gentle heart hugs.

amen

My mom pulled this classic out on me yesterday. ‘I’ve said some things to you, and you’ve said some terrible things to me too.’ There’s a big difference between abuse and reactive abuse (aka self defense), which is what these bpd parents push us to with their unreasonable behavior. So gross and toxic.

Mine does this angle too.

“Nobody is perfect. I apologized. We all make mistakes so let’s just forgive and not talk about it. Stop dwelling on the past and think of the future.”

🤷🏻‍♀️

I am not obligated to forgive.

Ugh I feel this. Also like even if I did behave immaturely or emotionally in the past, I was a literal child. That’s what children are supposed to do. Sometimes I just wanna grab her and shake her and go “you were the adult. I was a child, who was supposed to be learning from and getting nurtured by you, not the other way around.”

The religious guilt is wild…

This seems to be one of the borderline playbook repeats. Both sides type crap. There is only one side when a child is being abused.

I think she is confusing "forgive" with "forget"