I feel like an alien

I’m autistic and I have schizophrenia, I don’t like to wave those around and let them define me, but it does impact who I am as a person. I feel like everyone I talk to is secretly making fun of me. Like there’s a joke and everyone is laughing except me.

I struggle really hard to make friends and I always have . I’m 22 now and my best (and only) friend moved 6+ hours away so now I don’t have anyone to hang out with or talk to throughout the day.

I’m a social creature , i need to talk and laugh and spend time with people. But I don’t have anyone like that. Whenever I do meet people it’s like we’re on two totally different wavelengths . I just had my situation-ship pseudo boyfriend break things off with me too and I just feel extra down.

He said he never felt like he had towards me before . But, I guess that still wasn’t enough .

I guess I just feel like nobody wants to be my friend the way I want to be their friend…

I don’t know why I chase people away, everyone always leaves .

I will try to be more gentle .