Moving through life

I (24f) lost my boyfriend (23m) almost two years ago, 43 days ago. He passed away so suddenly, and I don't know what to do.

I'm currently talking to a grief counselor, and last week was my first session. I hope I can at least figure out my goals during my eight sessions.

I'm going through life on autopilot, and there's no source of joy. Mind you, I am not thinking of ending things, but without my partner, there's a huge gap in my life. Our happy memories have become sad memories, and everything hurts. I say everything is getting back to "normal," but I'm just lying to myself to keep moving.

I don't know how anyone gets through this. How do people find new partners when I thought he was the only one for me? Our second anniversary is coming up on December 10th, and I'd expect to be bawling my eyes out on that day. Luckily, I'm surrounded by family and friends, but they don't know the grief of losing the love of your life—it's a life-altering event.

Life is so unfair, and I apologize if I'm ranting so much. I genuinely hope things get better. I would love to hear advice or your experiences throughout this journey. How do you honor your partner's life and memories?