Recent NDE Experience

As the title suggests, a few weeks ago I had a near death experience that has left me feeling kinda confused and I would love to hear some of yall’s viewpoints.

For some background, I am a 19 year old college student. I have experienced ego death before through psychedelics (ik my brain is still developing and I am a lot more careful with what I do now) and every time I felt very clear afterwards so I thought I understood my own mortality.

A few weeks ago on my birthday I was home alone and I had something with eggs in it which triggered a severe allergic reaction. I gave myself one epi pen (I was home alone) and called the paramedics. Within minutes I knew the first one didn't do anything and it was getting harder and harder to breathe so I gave myself another one but because my oxygen levels were so low, I blacked out and didn't give myself the full dose. I couldn't even remember my address... As I felt myself starting fade away on the living room floor, everything started to get extremely bright and I genuinely thought I was dead. The only thing I was able to say to the phone was "I'm ded, I'm ded, Im ded" and everything faded to black.

I woke up the next day in the icu, but I later learned that once the paramedics got to my house they gave me 2 more epi pens but my blood oxygen kept going lower and even neared the 40% range. I didn't even respond to the epi pen drip so I had to be intubated and sedated.

Now the past few weeks have been ok and I've had a more clear sense of my own internal compass but I still am finding it hard to get myself together. As an engineering student I have a difficult course load which was hard before but now I am completely failing and I just can't get organized. It's been so much trying to catch up with my life while also trying to process what happened to me. I now see how my life can be better and the wide open opportunities around me but I just can't seem to gather up enough energy to pursue what I know is possible.

But anyways, I would love to hear from you guys if there is anything you think I should hear or if you have been in a similar situation, what was it like getting back into the flow of things?

Much love gang 🫶🏻