I know this sounds dumb but please help me

I just broke up with my boyfriend ive been in love with for three years now. He is the only one who has ever been there for me and I dont know what to do without him. We planned our future together even planning to start a family but now thats all gone. I have nobody else to turn to expect social media now its terrible and I dont want to keep living in this hell hole. Now you could just say to find someone else but the thing is ive been getting bullied for my whole life. Nobody has ever found me attractive in the slightest or have has found me pretty so i could never do that. I have nobody else to go to and now im just stuck here cutting my thighs listening to mitski. I thought about stabbing my stomach or slitting my throat but i just cant do it and i dont know why. I want him back thats all I want in life.