Long Long story. Please help me!

Long Long story. Please help me.

Hey all, this post wasn't welcome on the the physicaltherapy subreddit so I figured I'd come right back home lol.

To start with, I'm (26M) an RN, so when reading, try to understand this is not from a point of view from someone who is unknowlegable of the situation. On that note, tell me how to be nicer because I'm evidently making the situation worse.. I'm already very unstable mentally. Myself and I truly just want to help her. Especially given the circumstances.

My fiance (25F) and I got in an MVA on August 24th. The incident was 100% my fault. Not to go into details, but it was my fault. She ended up having double femur fracture that resulted in a intramedullary rod placement. The situation was very traumatizing and considering I am 100% to blame, I never felt like I was able to push her.

I've had 2 surgeries on my patellar and 1 surgery on my femur, as stated before I'm also an RN. From both a personal experience and a healthcare experience I'm fully aware of the absolutely bitch a surgery knee is once it's stiffened up. From day 1 I told her, as soon as you are able to bend, bend... you don't want to get behind because the pain suffered later will be unimaginable.

Here we are, mid December, and she's been told she has 3 weeks to bend her knee or she will have to be sedated for a non surgical, manual bend.

I've told her since probably September 20th to set her alarms, for 3 to 4 times a day. Do your therapy. 5-10 different exercises, 10-20 reps at a time... those alarms still aren't set... so I will say "hey babe, are you going to do this exercise while I do my activity" and it's usually met with an excuse.

She does work hard. She does do her therapy. But not as many times a day as she should.... is physical therapy not just a numbers game? Do this many exercises, this many times a day, for this many repitions a day... so that knee better damn well be "bent" 300 times a day.

After so many days it just ends in a big fight. She's telling me im mean, I don't encourage her, I don't say nice things about the situation, I'm not helping...I tried to have her set alarms and take her own responsibility so I didn't have to "hassle" her. She refuses to do so and now I guess I'm the bad guy for telling her she's not working hard enough.

Please tell me if I'm mistaken in thinking that therapy is 90% a numbers game. Obviously intense swelling, intense pain, etc are reasons to get out of therapy. But if the doctor is threatening sedation what else am I supposed to do to help her?