How asian parenting took away my childhood (kinda?)

I feel like I was destined to be my parents’ golden child as soon as I was born. Being the only daughter in my family meant that my mom, who got pregnant young and didn’t get to live her “dreams”, could finally relive her life through me! (Fun!)

I was put into piano lessons as soon as I turned 3, which was the minimum age requirement. Before I even got to fifth grade, I was doing ballet lessons, kumon (of course…), singing lessons, and a shit ton of extracurriculars in my school, whilst also being an honor student. Idk what convinced my parents to let a 10 year old do all that but I remember being so anxious, nervous, and just stressed all the time. The extra free time I had from all my extracurriculars, which would have been homework/study time for school, were all just me lazing around. Honestly, what kid wants to do homework during their only free time anyway?

Aside from that, I really didn’t form meaningful relationships during my childhood. I was a compulsive liar, I would steal my friends’ things, and I would push away anyone who wanted to be closer to me. I still distinctly remember being notorious for being SUPER mean to kids who developed crushes on me, which I honestly don’t know why I did that.

I kind of carried compulsive lying all throughout high school, just until I was 15. I was still the golden child to my parents, but I had low self esteem and would feel anxious all the time. I did really well academically towards the end of high school, but not mentally. So many things happened at home, but what affected me the most was my parents’ affair. I was at the peak of my suicidal thoughts, even going as far as attempting to do it twice, but chickening out.

Now that I’m 20, I’m mostly away from my parents. I never realized just how much was taken from me. Things definitely got better now, thanks to all my friends. 🩷

I love my parents. I know how much they’ve sacrificed for me. This was definitely generational trauma that trickled down to how they raised me, which was not really the best. Some days I blame them for this, most days not. Some days I wish I was just not born, but some days I thank them just for bringing me here!

I’m still trying to get better, as I continue my studies in college!

🩷