46F I feel like this subreddit is where I belong

I believe I am a beta. I have been divorced for over 10 years and have not once dated or been with anyone since and I did try. It's like people can just sense to stay away from me. I mean I was in a marriage where my ex cheated on me and I was okay with it. But he still left me. About half way after I realized I liked women too and try to see if maybe that is who I was supposed to be with and I didn't get anywhere there either. Then within the last 2 years or so I figured out my place. I am now the old perverted lady whose relationship is with her own fingers. I enjoy going to bars, beaches, parks, amusement parks, pretty much anywhere attractive people could be and just sit and watch them flirt with each other. When I do it at bars I like to buy them drinks hoping it will help them flirt more and see them go off together knowing they will probably be fucking when they get back to whose ever place they go too and I'll go back home to my fingers. I love being inferior to other women. I especially love it when I see mixed race flirting. I love seeing a black girl flirt with a white guy or girl and get them to go with her.