I often find that therapists just repeat things

And not necessarily things that I need to hear, and am not ‘getting’, per say. I just get the sense that therapists, as people, are creatures of habit, like all of us, and they sort of defer continuously to some balance of things they have been conditioned in their training to say meets things they have said that may have generally worked with most clients.

I am not most clients, I have been diagnosed with personality disorders and I wonder if sometimes they are just not trained to deal with such things, or if clinical psychology even really knows how to. I also wonder if the selfish components of myself are simply wired in ways that therapy cannot really deal with. For example, my primary concerns are achieving my goals and satisfying my core drives, which are admittedly heavily selfish. Whereas therapy’s primary concerns seem to be ‘normalizing’ someone within the context of our social culture and allowing them to stress less as a result. For things like anxiety - which I also have - it can be useful. But for things like the stresses that accompany a personality disorder, I find it’s less like anxiety where it’s like ‘well, I know this thing about me (excessive worry) is not exactly rational, but I can’t turn it off and it’s bothering me intrusively’, and more in terms of like ‘I am right, they are wrong, it’s me vs them, and I have to win by any means necessary and at all costs’.

And every therapist I have encountered and been in therapy with over the last 20 years seems terribly unequipped with the tools for dealing with that kind of stress and helping me with it. They seem to mostly just constantly and continuously revert to repeating the same things week after week that they might say about anxiety or OCD, about stress coming from a source that feels almost foreign and intrusive, rather than a source that is ME and real and where my only sense of purpose comes from. They tend to treat Me as the problem, where the stress I am struggling with really is that I need help dealing with people who won’t get out of my way, that are the problem as far as I see it. Thus, they only become the stress. My sense of purpose is not aligned with what ‘normalcy’ culture would prefer, it is rather more based in attention or adoration, and well, to have those needs in a ‘Cluster B’ kind of a way is abnormal, considered pathological, and thus therapists try to ‘cognitive behavioral therapy’ you into treating it like an unwanted symptom. But regardless of what they call me in a diagnostic report, I think I am right, and that everyone who stands against me getting what I want is wrong - or at least, they might as well be, as I don’t even care who is right and wrong as long as I get my needs met. However, living in a world where it is so difficult to get said needs met, there is still an extremely and constantly emotionally painful amount of suffering going in every day, it’s hell and war inside my mind at all times, and therapy doesn’t seem to be able to help me. At best, it seems like one more avenue where I can essentially have a person I can get validation from, and at least they can’t leave me - and thus it almost serves as a training ground for getting validation from people. But yet, if this is pathological, then isn’t a conventional form of therapy just empowering the pathology?

I’m not sure there is a way to help, if so. Perhaps I am not much more than this need to seek validation in these admittedly manipulative and at times even very destructive ways. Perhaps these disorders are almost more simply ‘different’ ways of being, rather than pathological, and it’s just that this world creates an environment where a lot of undue pain and stress is hauled onto ‘different’ people (it is, and always has been). And if so, perhaps therapy is not my answer. Therapy has almost served as a 20-year long battering ram, beating the idea that I should just accept being the monstrously toxic black hole of an over-emotional void that I am into my head.