The last two months building a relationship with God.

Hello,

Heads-up: This is a long read, but I wanted to give a detailed testimony of my last two months.

I have known of "God" all my life. My parents were even youth pastors in our local church growing up. But I have never tried to have a relationship with God until two months ago. This is the story of my walk in my newly restored faith.

I have had a lot of things fall apart over the span of my life. For example, I spent 15 years serving in the Marine Corps. During that time, I lost three wives to divorce for different reasons. Being hurt by this, I have been scared to get married again. So, when I found my last girlfriend, I still refused to take that leap even after she became pregnant. I think because years of telling her we would never marry made her start to resent me, and we began to have issues where she treated me like I wasn’t respected and I was never enough no matter what I did.

On October 31, 2023, I came home to her, pointing out everything she thought was wrong with me again. This made me overwhelmingly depressed, and I tried to drown that feeling with alcohol while I was also taking some over-the-counter cold meds for a cold I had for a few days. That night, I googled if I would live if I jumped from our three-story of our apartment. There is a 40% chance I would live, so I decided not to jump because my luck is I would live and be in a wheelchair for the rest of my days. I didn’t want that.

So, I drank all the alcohol we had in the apartment. Then, I walked to a local bar and had a few shots. I blacked out and don’t even remember the walk home. I came to, at 3 am, sitting in my car freezing. I thought I just went to my car to sleep it off. I got out, and I walked up to the apartment. When I walked in, my girlfriend was there with some friends, telling me I needed to leave. I was confused as they said they called the cops. I thought she called the cops because I didn’t come home. So, I was like, whatever, I will leave then. My girlfriend came after me down the stairs, with my phone in hand, to give it to me, saying that I hit her. I said yeah, right, whatever, and I called a friend to come get me.

As days passed, she got a protective order (with my daughter added to it), pressed charges, and the day before Thanksgiving, she took my daughter and left the state with no set plans to return. Her story of what happened over the next few days also became more and more aggressive with the knowledge that I didn’t remember what happened. She showed me one picture of a bruise on her leg and no other bruises. Then she started saying that I was such an abuser, in all forms, the whole relationship, even though nothing had ever happened in our relationship before that night. Please understand I am not making excuses for any of the actions that may have or did take place; I am just setting the scene for why I reached out to God.

I, of course, moved out. I moved into a sort of RV on November 1st to try to give her some space, hoping we could eventually work things out. I then started trying to build a closer relationship with God. The number one way to do that is to know him. Reading his words and prayer is the best way to get to know him better. At this moment, I am separated from my bible. I debated going out and buying a new one, and I even downloaded the “you version bible app” to keep up with scriptures and prayer. I had mentioned this to a few friends over these past few weeks. On that Sunday, November 12th, I debated stopping in a thrift shop to see if they had a used bible, but I didn’t because I was in a rush to give a hot meal to some homeless people behind my office building. But on the evening of November 13th, God gave me a bible.

On November 13th, I received a phone call from a friend who asked me about all of my scripture posts on Facebook. I put in my headphones and walked outside to talk to him more comfortably without the listening ears of cubical co-workers. I walked around the building I work in while talking on the phone. This building is in an industrial park, so office buildings are all that are around for miles. While walking around the building, I noticed a book lying on the ground. I picked it up because it was very out of place. It was a worn and weathered English Standard Version of the Holy Bible. No name on it or in it. God sent it to me in my moment of need.

My daughter’s birthday is November the 16th. I was not allowed any contact with my now two-year-old. Because she is on the protective order, I am also not allowed to be within 1000 feet of her. So, I requested a hearing with the court to remove her from the protective order, which was scheduled for November 28th. The protective order says I am only allowed email communications with my girlfriend and only about my daughter. I emailed her to give her a heads-up about the court hearing and let her know this was in no way an attack on her it was to remove my daughter so I could see her legally. She was upset at me because she was already planning on leaving the state with my daughter to move back home. Feeling like God doesn’t want me fighting with her to cause any more of a divide, I give in and cancel the court hearing. She then lets me see my daughter for 30 mins before leaving the state on November 22, 2024.

At this point, I am watching my daughter grow up in pictures via email, reading my bible, and praying daily. God doesn’t talk to me directly, or I guess I should say I don’t hear his voice often, but on Thursday, 12/14/23, God made clear his current direction for me.

I now come to work early because, basically, I have no life anymore. I made all my world and focus revolve around my girlfriend and daughter, who are gone now. Since I get to work so early, I also get finished early. Then, I watch different sermons and God-related videos on YouTube with little else to do. I ended up watching a video on the Ark of the Covenant. When that went off, another video came on. About two seconds into that one, I paused it. Then, I went outside to call my mom to check in and see how she was doing. I got off the phone, and I felt an overwhelming sorrow about my life’s circumstances, and that created anxiety and worry.

I returned to the bible that God gave me and said a prayer out loud. I asked him to provide me with some words of comfort or direction so I knew what he wanted from me. I opened my bible to a random page. It opened to Matthew 13:26. I read that and didn’t understand it, so I read the whole section. It is known as “the Parable of the weeds” Matthew 13:24-30.

I still had no clue what God was trying to tell me. So, I spoke out loud again, asking God to give me some actual directions and make it plain so I would understand it. I set my bible aside and hit play on the YouTube video that I had previously paused. I started playing my pool game on Facebook. While playing my pool game, I heard a YouTuber say the word “Weeds.” I was like, whoa, I just read about weeds and started paying attention. The YouTube video is “Timing is Everything- Bishop T.D. Jakes.” T.D. Jakes was giving a sermon on “The Parable of the Weeds,” he explained it and made it plain so I would understand it. God was telling me to have “Patience.”

I don’t know what that means or what direction he is going with that, but I wait patiently. God has done a few small “miracles” in my life since then, confirming my faith.

I drove 4 hours each way to visit with my daughter on my birthday (December 31st), which was amazing. My daughter, her mother, and I spent 3 hours together visiting that day, and I felt so blessed. They both were coming back into town on the 3rd for our daughter’s doctor’s appointment on the 5th. Since my ex was coming into town and we had a good visit a few days ago, I asked her out to a comedy show. She said she didn’t want to be alone with me even though she was alone with me on the 31st. Then she invited me over to the place she was staying on the 4th, where it was just us three. Then we visited on the 5th, at the doctor’s appointment and then the aquarium, and everything seemed great. Then she had a date on Friday, 1/5/2024 night (I found out through some friends because she lied to me about what she was doing). Today, 1/6/2024, they were leaving, and I met up to say goodbye to my daughter. My ex was very mean to me and told me she was 100% positive she wanted nothing to do with me going forward. I wait patiently because I genuinely believe God is fighting on my, my daughters, and my ex-girlfriend's behalf to restore what has been broken.

This post is only to tell people how God is meeting me in the middle to help me build a relationship with him. If he will do a bunch of small miracles to change me and bring me closer to him he will put in just as much effort for anyone. I pray he will bring large and small miracles to each of you so you will see him in your lives as I do now. I keep praying for the big miracle that my ex when looking at me, will not see me as the person she saw that one night but as the person reborn through God’s grace.