I'm a horrible human being and I'm struggling to accept it

I thought I was a good person until after a dumpster fire of a year that was 2023 where I did so many horrible things and I don't know how to accept it when I'm repulsed by myself.

I'm a 25F. I've always tried to be kind to people and I've been smart and curious all my life. One known for being annoying because of how many questions I asked. I was actually proud of the fact I treated people nicely and respected everyone the way my dad taught me to. My dad passed away a couple years ago.

In a different country, I got a job. I was so dumb and did so badly at this job. Didn't ask one question in the 1 year I was there because I was so socially anxious and so scared. Was an attention whore and told every secret and spoke shit about my team to a coworker because I thought they were my friend. Turns out they recorded all conversations and played it to my boss. I am an awful person and just so stupid. I was an alcoholic and was into weed and psychedelics and things were bad. I was so lonely and had no friends. I was so negative the whole time. The cherry on top was when I believed an "implication" that my boss's boss left his wife for me and wrote him a letter (said in the letter if it was okay to talk shit about people at office to him) expressing my interest and backed off only when I found out his kids' ages who are so young. I was a girl's girl all my life. But I suck now. Turns out the scene was a thing spun by my boss because he wanted revenge. I am a desperate dumb alcoholic addict woman with no self respect. I am an awful human being. Even in things I was framed I walked right into everything. I'm a coward.

As a child I was the one to speak up and be bold. Never spoke shit about anyone. So smart and creative. Was more ethical when I didn't know about the world and the rights and wrongs. I'm a shell of a person now. Have nothing good about me and nothing to offer for this world. It's humiliating being me. I'm a fake and I'm actually an awful person.