Armageddon

Technically I’m PIMO, because I’m “not old enough to make that decision yet” but whatever because in my head I have decided. That being said I’ve only ‘woken up’/realized fairly recently. Besides the point, lots of family members and family friends have been coming to me telling me how close to the end we are, not to give up on Jehovah, blah blah blah. You get it. But half of me is torn between it all, because I was born in and it’s all that I’ve grown up with. In all honesty, I’m scared. I don’t want to spend eternity with these people worshipping this god (if he does exist). What if he does exist but simply doesnt want me to be there? What if I am the exception to him loving all? Would I want to go back? What do I do if Armageddon does come? What if it is actually real and I’ve just ruined everything? Ruined my family and my friends relationships with me. Everything. If it does come, and I don’t choose to go with my witness family do I just suffer? Am I going to choose to suffer over safety? Will that safety mean anything if Jehovah doesn’t even want me there? I keep getting told all the prophecies and proof that it’s coming and most of me is calling bs, but there’s still that little piece. The little kid with the bible story book that was terrified of making one wrong move and getting marked off of the list of people going to paradise. But I check the list of things god hates, things I cannot change about myself. I don’t know. I’m sure this sounds so stupid and just dumb but I can’t help but be scared and ridden with anxiety waiting for a day that may or may not arrive. I just don’t know what to do.