My year plan

So a couple of months ago, I decided that if something doesn't turn around, if I can't just be a normal person doing all the normal things, I will be ending my life. I don't see that happening. I know when and how I will do it. I having a checklist of things that need done, so no one will have to do anything when I'm gone.Everything will be taken care of. I have had so much hurt, so much loss. Some of it I deserve, much of it I don't. I've never believed anyone when they say they love me. I've never had anyone back those words with actions. What I do know is I needed to just get this out, and I know better than actually telling anyone in my personal life my plan. I'm grateful this place exists so I can get this out and not keep it in. I'm just so tired and it is a relief to know there is an end in sight. If anyone reads this, thanks for hearing me. Please don't try to change my mind though. I am sure of this. It's the one thing I have ever been sure of.