Resentment and carrying most of the mental load in our marriage

My (27F) husband (30M) and I have been married for 4 years. He’s struggled with depression all his life due to a difficult childhood. He’s had good years and bad years, but ever since the pandemic his mental health has been declining. He started seeing a therapist last year around September and started medication last month. He’s improved a lot especially after starting meds — emotionally, mentally, and socially. I no longer feel like I need to walk on eggshells when I’m around him.

Throughout the past 3 years I felt for him, and often wished that there was more I could do for him besides stay by his side and love him. In those 3 years, though, I was doing all of the household chores on top of working full-time. He has been on disability since November of 2023 and left his job. When he was working, it didn’t feel as unfair that I took care of the household duties because he was contributing financially. But now, it bothers me that I’m not the one that is home 24/7 yet I still do all of the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. Sometimes I look at him, and I see him more like my child than my husband/partner. And that is unsettling.

I find myself often annoyed at him. I know it’s not right, but I can’t help feeling this way sometimes. On harder days, where he’s having a shutdown moment and it feels like I can never catch a break, I just want to run away for a bit. I feel selfish for feeling this way. It’s just been months and years of carrying most of the mental load of our marriage. I have enough on my plate and I want a partner who will share our struggles so they are halved, rather than someone putting most of the struggles on me.

I start a new job soon that will pay a lot more than my current one so I’m thankful but I’ll be busy adjusting to a new environment and work schedule. I’m worried the house will be a mess and it’s stressing me out. I’ll talk to him about my concerns and the need for him to help me out more. I don’t know if I just need to give him more time.

If you read this far, thank you for just hearing me out. If you’ve been in a similar situation and had to work through resentment, what did you do/how did you reframe it?