How do you handle performance reviews

No one likes performance reviews, but they are triggering for me. I dread them for months and obsess about them for months after.

I don't mind the scores as much as I used to. I used to get hyperfixed when I didn't get a 5/5 or whatever the methodology is. I often get the middle scores, meaning doing fine but not in line for promotion. But the commentary is always on my personality, which I know now to be autism. e.g. You need to socialize more or you are perceived as unapproachable (I do socialize and I am very nice.)

I know that doing exceptional work doesn't translate to leadership potential, but in my 40s, I believe I will never be considered leadership material because of perceived deficits in communication and socialbility. Actually, I have been told this, even though I do mask hard and try all year to be collaborative, helpful, and positive. People can just tell something is different. Either they are intimidated or think I am duplicitous or standoffish. One small slip and I get told I am too inflexible. I can't decide if this is ableist or not.

In recent years, I have had an a manager who I thought liked me but actually doesn't (my life story). I did everything she asked only to discover she was using my ideas to elevate herself, wanted to keep me "low" and out of the light, and believed rumors people told about me that weren't even true. Somehow that is my communication problem (again, story of my life).

I am not "out" as autistic at work and debating whether it would help or make things worse. People might know or suspect, or they might just think I am an asshole or easy to take advantage of (heart on sleeve and all that).

Anyway, I am struggling because I have to write my performance review next week and then read my manager's opinions about me. It always turns into a critique of my personality, no matter how hard I try to be like everyone else.

I am grateful to be employed. I just hate this time of year. I can't just focus on the work I do. I have to fill out a section on how I get along with others, teamwork, collaboration, etc. I do all of that. I try really hard at it. It just isn't ever enough, again, because I think I am clocked as "different" even if people don't know why.

Anyone have any strategies for managing my expectations around my performance review? I want to write the truth but I don't think it will help me. Any thoughts on ableism in the workplace preventing growth opportunities? Anyone in a leadership / management position?