The days when I used toilet paper as currency.

History books will talk about the COVID-19 pandemic. They will discuss the people we know who died as statistics. What the history books probably won’t talk about is the toilet paper shortage.

Months before the virus was declared an epidemic in the United States, the virus was spreading across Asia. The news showed clips of people being locked down in an effort to contain it. That couldn’t be real. Could it?

Of course, I ran to Reddit to get the actual story.

People really were being forced to stay in their homes. People in the comments said things like, “That can’t happen here. Right?”

Right?

As it happens, I was raised in a sort of dooms day cult. I was taught to have a year’s worth of food and supplies on hand. Why? The prophets never really said. But that shit sure came in handy during hurricane season.

I use subscription services for anything and everything that I can afford. So every month, I’d get boxes of toilet paper delivered to my door. We had boxes stashed in every bathroom and more in storage.

Which means we were ready for the sudden toilet paper shortage.

I’m not sure anybody really knows why there was a sudden need for toilet paper. Some psychologist online suggested it’s because toilet paper has an indefinite shelf life; it’s small and something people can have control over.

Stores couldn’t keep toilet paper in stock, as soon as they put it on the shelf, it was gone.

For a few weeks, I gave boxes of toilet paper away to the DoorDashers as part of a tip. I gave a box or 2 to the postman. Even the mechanic at the garage got a box. We joked about how strange it is to “tip” people with toilet paper, but they were appreciative.

But you won’t hear about that in the history books.