Struggling day 20 of NC

Before her My life was perfect in every way, physically, mentally, and academically.

8 months ago I was wandering across twitch and came across her channel and we ended up playing overwatch together and adding each other on discord and instagram. One day at 4 am I saw her posting a story about self harm so I asked her what’s wrong, she proceeded to tell me her whole childhood story about how she got r*aped and then suddenly got sexual with me but I stopped her advances(she was in a vulnerable place and had a boyfriend).

7 months ago During this time she would pursue me and always message me about playing with her and since it was summer we started gaming everyday, she would flirt but I didnt think much of it.

6 months We became closer and closer day by day, she started love bombing me, basically started complementing me and started sending me nudes. I didn’t approve of the idea of entertaining a cheater but I was dumb and enjoyed the attention(we did everything a couple did but werent official)

5 months ago This is when things got serious(for me at least) We pretty much spent every minute together, watching shows,anime ,and gaming. She started ignoring her boyfriend. Said i made her feel something he was never able to. Kept calling herself my wife and love bombing me. Eventually i got tired and told her to break up with him and she said she was trying to find the right moment. The second I would go to the gym or try to spend time with friends and family she would go and spend time with him. Which made us fight every time it happened. She would also resort to self harm whenever I wasn’t around or we had a fight which made me avoid fighting with her(she used to send me pictures of her self harming).

2-4 months ago We were pretty much a couple and he was 100% out of the picture, she would try to spend every minute of the day with me. I would study and she would stay with me in call with cam on, she would work and want me to stay with her in call. Sometimes id wake up at 2 am to study and she would mess up her sleep schedule just to spend time with me. She would mimic everything i do, the way i talked, my interests.

1 month ago I was mentally drained from the relationship it was too exhausting. There were 3 days where i was hospitalized and couldn’t spend time with her. 3 days was all it took for her to go back to him. I found out and removed her everywhere without blocking and continued ignoring her for 4 days. She then sent me a paragraph saying that im the best thing that ever happened to her and that was sorry, so i gave her one last chance. Days later i was blocked out of nowhere, then i would call her number and we would talk and she’d cry saying she doesnt want me to go and basically beg me to stay but I told her that i need to move on. 10 mins later she self harms and guilt trips me into staying. She would repeat the morning love bomb then afternoon block cycle for 4 times in a month. she met a friend and he would take her phone and block me every single time(according to her). After that i was fed up told her “boyfriend” everything and to my surprise they were actually engaged. Now im blocked on everything left feeling abandoned and broken, i also blocked her back.